Treephort

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Round 1: Pig vs. Penguin

Posted by sonnyharding on May 5, 2009

PIG

pig

Defeats

 

PENGUIN

penguinjck-jul05ct-vertwl-w

 

JUDGE: Kate Bryant

Kate is Treephort’s loyal trivia partner and dear friend.  She writes about water heaters all day long.  She shut up about how I should upgrade to a tankless system for five dang seconds to make this up for us:

 

3266_622991567967_22600078_36028443_5455069_n

 

She’s right.  Green Acres is delightful.

 

Tournament’s coming along just fine.  Follow the bracket action here.

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Round 1: Platypus vs. Duck

Posted by sonnyharding on May 2, 2009

It’s a battle of the bills!

 

Platypus

platypus

 

DEFEATS

 

Duck

01_08_52-duck_web

 

Judge: Kayleen Satterfield

Kayleen is the twin sister of Treephort lead singer Lee Satterfield.  They are also married.  It’s complicated.  They’re so comfortable talking about it, though.  You should talk to them about how they’re twins and married sometime.

 

When I gave this match for Kayleen to decide, she gave me only this picture:

633496335450082779-platypus

 

Make sure to keep up with the entire tournament HERE.

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Round 1: Hippo vs. Bear

Posted by sonnyharding on May 2, 2009

Hippo  

hippo

 

DEFEATS

 

Bear

black-bear

 

Judge: Drew Mobley

Drew’s parents own a cabin in Gatlinburg called The Bruin.  It is filled with miniature bear figures and Christian crossword puzzles.  When he isn’t there, he plays bass in Sorry No Ferrari.  Surprisingly, Drew went with the hippo.  Let’s see why.

 

Hippos without a doubt are way funnier than bears for one main reason: death tolls. Death tolls just aren’t that funny and bears’ collective death toll is probably somewhere in the billions and that’s black bears alone. If you include the panda and the murderous, ever blood thirsty koala, that number reaches well into the quadrillions, maybe even more. Everyone has lost someone they loved to a bear, and I don’t remember bursting out into hysterical laughter when I found out that Uncle Brandon had just been devoured head first by a koala.


The only semi-peaceful bear is of course the grizzly. Grizzly comes from the Latin word grizzectum, which means “hey! Let’s be friends!”But unfortunately the good nature of the grizzly does not atone for the sins of it’s flesh hungry cousins and bears remain as one the most unfunny animals in the world (or worald as Tommy Wisseau would say). And the only harm I have ever seen inflicted by a hippo has been to a small, white marble…and it was asking for it. I laugh at you hippo.”

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Round 1: Earthworm vs. Alligator

Posted by sonnyharding on May 2, 2009

Earthworm

earthworm1

DEFEATS

Alligator

florida_alligator

 

Judge: Luke Fields

When he’s not busy making tough decisions like this for me, he fronts We Versus the Shark.  Not too long ago, I made a trip over to Athens, GA to watch him play a Nirvana cover set that made me like Nirvana again, then cross the street and play the soundtrack to Castlevania II.  I’ve known him since I was about 7.  If I had to kiss a dude on the mouth, it’d be Luke.

 

Decision: Earthworm. A little writhing, slimy sausage that lives in the dirt and whose mouth more or less connects directly to its butthole. Also they are hermaphrodites.

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Funniest Animal Bracket Tournament

Posted by sonnyharding on May 2, 2009

Too often, I stay up at night, wondering which animal is the funniest.  Certainly, a monkey thowing his poop is worth a chuckle, but bears love honey (hilarious).  I decided I’d settle this debate that only I care about with an elaborate, NCAA bracket-style tournament!

Here’s the link!

 

Process:

I picked 16 of the funniest animals I could think of.  With the help of a random number generator (seriously), I paired them up for what will be a single-elimination contest.

 

Judging:  

Each match will have a different judge.  Judges will submit their winner with a paragraph justifying their decision.  They may use any criteria and interpret the term “funniest animal” however they wish.  Each member of Treephort will get a round to judge.  I’m hoping former tromboner (and funniest person I know) Kirk will judge the final round and crown a Funniest Animal.

 

Round 1:

1: Jellyfish vs. Monkey

2: Pig vs. Penguin

3: Bear vs. Hippo

4. Hamster vs. Cat

5. Platypus vs. Duck

6. Earthworm vs. Alligator

7. Cow vs. Snake

8. Flamingo vs. Porcupine

 

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Intro

Posted by sonnyharding on May 2, 2009

Jerod said I could post whatever I wanted here. That sounded a little vague to me, so I consulted JJ and Lee on the matter. They added the caveat that I stay away from child pornography (either Jerod didn’t think of that, or he really wanted some child pornography here).

This is what my days usually consist of:
-teaching high school
-playing trivia with Lee and others
-being in Treephort
-playing NHL 08 for the XBox 360

I imagine most of my posts will be about one of those things. I know this should probably lean pretty heavily on the Treephort aspects. But Burger King has spoiled me; I insist on having things my way all the time.

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